What Is Sorrow?
by Mistress DragonFlame
Summary: Sorrow, n : an emotion of great sadness associated with loss or bereavement. [FX] [Reuploaded for errors in format]


I wrote this at 2-5 AM on a Tuesday night (whoo my nocturnalness!). I was browsing through the fan fics posted, and this idea just hit me. It's pointless, and poorly done, because I only had the very beginning, and then a bit and pieces of the ending. You have been warned.

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_What is sorrow?_

Xellos could remember to the very minute when he asked that. He always prided himself in his memory. He could, at the very least, remember what exactly transpired on any given day since his creation. After all, when he gave his reports, they had to be detailed, did they not?

_What is it?_

His mind worked on the memory, it coming back to him as if it had been filled second for second…

_Flashback_

Xellos sighed as he finished writing down the reasoning and process of destroying a kingdom from the inside. He always found it so tedious to write a report on something as obvious, and long as that. Since he sat down two months ago, he hadn't stopped writing until it was finished, his ink and paper constantly supplied by lesser mazoku servants.

He lifted the piece of paper with the still wet ink and set it aside so it could dry properly before he bound it in with the rest of its fellows. He stood up, stretching even though it was pointless since his body had no physical mass to it and thus could not get sore.

He needed something to mix up the mundanity of his past few months of this mission. His mind quickly processed what was listed under, "_Fun Activities_" and the one he hadn't used in a while was, "_Torment Filia_". So, with a grin, he was off to bother the dragoness.

However, when he got there, it wasn't what he thought it would be. The place was neat and tidy, not a pillow misplaced. Pictures were on the walls, each either featuring a small bundle with a chubby face and a mass of teal hair, a horse sized black dragon, a tall woman with blond hair with either of the two previously mentioned, and even a few with two beast people in them. However, there were two frames covered in black velvet, their contents hidden. Besides that, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. It was exactly like he last saw it.

He frowned. This wasn't right. There was supposed to be a little hellion, also known as a toddler dragon, running about and Xellos _knew _no matter how well Filia cleaned, it would show that he ran through the rooms of the home.

Also, the sound of someone sobbing was out of place as well. Such an odd thing, crying… Xellos could see no point in it. No matter, he followed the sound into the kitchen, to where Filia lied with her head in her hands, whimpers and sobs floating off her.

"Hello, Filia-chan!" He chirped cheerfully, "You do realize that's not very healthy for the next people who are going to be eating off that table." Sadness wafted off her, and he devoured the energy it gave him. Hmm, tasted a bit too bitter for him. He preferred her anger.

He had expected her to jump at his sudden appearance, and yell at him. She always did that. Whether she was busy, sleeping, or otherwise occupied, she did that.

But not this time. She quieted, before lifting her head and looking at him with one of the most deadpan expressions he had ever seen. Red puffy eyes blinked slowly at him, accusing him of intruding on her weeping. "Xellos," She had said, her scratchy voice a far cry from its normal smooth tone, "Go away…."

"Yare-yare, Filia-chan! I know dragons are rude, but this is beyond what is the norm!" Xellos walked up, leaning against the table, his arms folded across his chest as he leaned over to her. "I traveled so far, and you're just turning me away! Without even offering me a drink for my parched throat."

Filia let her head thunk back onto her arms. "I'm not in the mood. Go away." He blinked. How odd. She usually reacted to that bit.

"Now, now, Filia." He lightly scolded, seating himself. "I promise to leave if you get me a cup a tea and we can catch up since I was last here."

A long silence pasted, Filia not moving, and him smiling at her. Then, she painfully dragged herself up, setting about to make some tea. He watched her for a bit, before bringing up the question he had been contemplating since he first arrived.

"Filia-chan, where's Val? He's about the 'terrible twos', right? Shouldn't he be running around our feet?"

The cup Filia had been holding dropped, shattering when it impacted the floor about her feet. Her shoulders shook as her sobs wracked her small frame.

"H-he…. He…. He's d-d-d-dead…. Oh, my poor Val!"

Xellos frowned. "Well, crying isn't going to get him back."

Filia shot him a halfhearted glare, before turning her back to him and walking to the sink. "You wouldn't understand."

He twitched. "Are you implying that a dragon has a better understanding of something then a mazoku!" He stood up and glowered at her.

She shot around, a tear filled defiant stare focused on him. "You know nothing of my sorrow. You can't feel it. You can't comprehend what I'm going through. Mazoku can't feel emotions. At most, they can shadow a feeling to save their own skins. You will never feel what I'm feeling; you will never feel sadness, anger, love, or desire. In this, you know nothing!"

Xellos was quiet after her short, but ferocious outburst. His smile was nowhere to be found, and he just looked at her, a blank look on his face. She tore her hate filled look from him, before getting out the broom and beginning to clean up the mess the cup made.

"What is sorrow?" She stopped in her actions, not turning to him. "What is it? Is it a physical thing? Can you hold it? Is there a spell to heal it? To cast it? Can you control it?"

Finally, she turned. His face held no lies, no deceit, no sneer. Simple curiosity danced across his face. "Sorrow is… pain. Sorrow is when something… wrong happens. When something you care about is taken away from you."

"Pain? So, where does it hurt?"

"It hurts not on your physical person. It is a mind hurt. Emotion doesn't affect the body, only the mind, Xellos. It is a pain far worse then what your body can feel. There is no spell to cure it, either." She curled into herself, as if describing the pain she now felt.

He tilted his head to the side. "How does this pain leave?"

"That depends on the person. Sometimes it never leaves. Other times, they have to get over it themselves. Most of the time, they need someone else to comfort them." Her eyes fluttered to him, then to the ground, before she turned away, a strained chuckle. "I don't know why I'm telling you this. You can't understand an emotion unless you feel it. And it's not like you'll ever feel it…"

_End Flashback_

Xellos's mind finished what he remembered of that time. How wrong she had been. He now knew what sorrow was. As he gazed upon the bloody corpse that once was Filia, just another gold he killed in the slew of this war, he felt a clench of pain. Grief washed over him. Her words barely scratched the surface of what he felt. His eyes pricked, his throat had something caught in it, and his fists clenched and unclenched repeatedly.

He teleported off, into his room. He sat down at his desk, got out his quill and paper, beginning his report of the previous mission.

_Sorrow, sadness, depression, remorse, grief. All are the same thing, same emotion, only with different words. One cannot truly understand what it is, unless they feel it themselves. With the mission I completed, I know what it is. I wish I didn't.  
_  
**End.**

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Mistress DragonFlame: Beh. This story could have been done so much better. D:

Xellos: I'm a fucking pansy. Bad, writer, bad! (smakes with a rolled up newspaper)

Filia: This had no plot.

InuYasha: And no point.

SesshoMaru: And was incredibly stupid.

Haku: Everything was out of character.

Deep-Sea-Dolphin: Terrible.

MDF: T-T Wahhh! …Wait, no. That's true. This does suck. Oh well.


End file.
